September 27th & The End of the World

Wow, today is September 27th, 2005. You know, it was 18 months ago that I began to dread this day exactly one year ago. Why? Well, mainly because of my fragile gullibility, extreme form of necrophobia and mild Armageddon paranoia. But, hey, whatever. Bygones be bygones and all that crap, right?

Now, you're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. People who knew me a year ago could vouch for this, 'cause I told them about it. I knew how crazy it sounded, but I just couldn't let it go. Now, I shall tell you about it.

So, it all started in March of '04. I was perusing through the magazine aisle at the supermarket one day, and I stumbled upon an April issue of Maxim with Paris Hilton on the cover. The fact that it was an April issue should have tipped me off right away, but I kinda omitted that from my mind. Call it the paranoid part of my brain. Anyway, I guess I was curious to see what kind of skanky pictures Paris has come up with this time, so I looked inside.

Then, I stumbled upon this one article, about asteroids. Now, me, personally, I love astronomy - I'm a space buff. I find the whole subject fascinating. Anyway, I was drawn to that one article, and was interested in reading it. It was basically about what would happen if an earth-killer asteroid were to collide with our planet. It was the headline, though, that freaked me out to no end. Let me see if I can remember it:

"The good news? An asteroid the size of SL-617 only hits our planet once every 10 million years. The bad news? Scientists give it a 63.8 percent chance of colliding with Earth on September 27 this year. So how bad’s it gonna sting?"

Now, a normal person would read that, pass it off as fiction, and read on. I, however, read that headline and had a perpetual pit in my stomach, saying, "Oh, my God. We only have six months left to live." Now, I realize how completely weird that seems. But, I dunno, my paranoia sort of perpetuated everything. In my mind, the thought processes would go:

"If it isn't real, where is the footnote that says it isn't? And, of course the government wouldn't say anything about it. It would spread into worldwide anarchy if they confirmed it. Oh, God, we're all going to die."

And, so, I had a neverending pit in my stomach for the next month. I listened to music and recorded "Armstrong & Getty" episodes to temporarily ease my mind. There were days when I would look up into the sky, and imagine what the dreaded asteroid would look like as it pummeled through Earth's atmosphere and killed all life on Earth. Sometimes, my mind would continue a constant countdown to September 27. It was really stupid, but I just couldn't shake the thought of an asteroid hitting Earth that day.

It wasn't until a friend of mine pointed out an article that told me about an asteroid passing by Earth on September 29, that I could really put my mind at ease. It took me about a month to adjust back to life as usual, but I got there. Nowadays, I don't really worry about asteroids. It's everyday life that I really have to worry about.